Running - as the only escape and relief… continued

February 2007: The final thesis and project work commenced. Within two weeks of starting, Mam became very sick. After a few weeks of being in hospital for various tests she progressively worsened and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The following 4-months was an erratic mix of thesis project work and hospital visits. I was trying so very hard to keep a focus on final year and thesis work and parents continued telling me to do this and things “will be OK’. It is only now, almost 2 years later, that I fully realise the emotional and physical stress and toll this took on me. For the next 4-months my days consisted of the same repetitive routine. I simply needed to get out for an early morning run each day to release some of the stresses of previous day and night. Feeling somewhat lighter I would relax during a big breakfast and then worked non-stop by cramming in as much as possible until evening. I then cycled across the city to hospital and spent time with Mam. I cycled back to college accommodation again working late into the night. The following days were a blur and repeat of each other. The only difference is that everything intensified: Mam’s condition, workload and stress putting enormous physical and emotional strain on my body.

Mam had the surgery in early April and then a few weeks recuperation before starting chemotherapy. I was now positive and hopeful that this was behind and she was on the mend. Naïve perhaps but Dad continued to reassure (or lie) only to protect both brother and I who only had a month or so of thesis hand-in left to go. A week after Mam’s surgery I ran the “Bupa Ireland” 10km race in the Phoenix Park. I was over the moon that Mam and Dad came to watch. Mam was my sole focus to run that race as hard and strong as I could. I really wanted them to be proud as they had never seen me run before!


I handed in final project end of May. I put my all into it and was genuinely happy and proud with final product but I almost didn’t care either way at this stage compared to the anxiety from when I started final project.. Throughout those months my perspectives on what is really important in life had greatly changed. Mam had surgery to remove the tumor in April and we were told she was stable. She was let home but going back for chemotherapy sessions every 2-weeks for the next few months. Father assured brother and I that she was going to be OK and the chemo was just procedure following surgery. It was our final few months of post-college summer before looking for “real jobs” as graduates after summer!

Before Mam was diagnosed with cancer, my friend and I had already organised a student visa travel programme in New York for the summer. I was very reluctant to go and wanted to be there for Mam during treatments. Following many discussions with parents and encouragement to go. The Flora Ladies minimarathon 10km run was held 2 days before we depated for New York at start of June. It was a huge mass race of thousands of participants, all ladies! I was very surprised to be within the first 50 finishers finishing in 41 minutes despite picking up a painful foot injury in the process!

We departed for New York to work for 3-months, returning end of August. I saw and chatted with Mam every single day on Skype video calls online. I was able to keep up to date with her treatment. She was sick but in denial about it all and never wanted to speak of it. But Dad assured me she was OK.

We lived and worked in Manhattan. New York summer was hot and I had the most beautiful running route for each day… running high up into the park over looking the George Washington bridge and running down to the Hudson river and into central Manhattan. I entered the Dublin City marathon online when in New York and started my training – a month before coming home with then 2 months to my first full marathon! I followed a well-devised training schedule and stuck to it religiously. My training schedules were treated as doctor’s appointments! I monitored my distance, pacing and timing through my wonderful garmin GPS forerunner watch! It was wonderful to see Mam when I returned, albeit more frail and weak. We threw a huge 25th Silver wedding anniversary party for parents where a few hundred family and friends joined the celebration. This was the last time many people would have met Mam….

Prior to the Dublin marathon, I completed the pre-marathon race series including adidas 10-mile and and the half-marathon

2006: When exercise and running became a daily priority and necessity - eventually causing burnout…. continued

During Christmas of 2005 I decided to spend my college work-experience year abroad. I settled on Australia and moved to Sydney for work in January 2006. The first few weeks were spent job and accommodation hunting. I met a great bunch of friends and felt at home within no time. With long free sunny days ahead before finding work, I went out for my morning run then spent the rest of the day walking around city looking for work! When I returned in early evening it was impossible to resist another run. It would feel wrong not to go out again in the sunny cheerful evenings while waiting for friends to return from work. I did not yet notice the affects of the considerably dramatic increase in activity and this kind of lifestyle soon took a toll leading to burnout. I was running under the intense Australian sun both morning and evenings breaking a sweat within seconds. Between this I was almost constantly walking.

With the predominantly outdoors Australian lifestyle coupled with the hot weather, there was not as much need for cooking big hot meals. I adopted the Australian lifestyle easily and rarely cooked in evenings - making a preference for salads and bowls of cereal after the evening run before shooting out again to meet friends. The only dinners and hot food were over barbeques or eating out at weekends. I started working full-time but managed to continue the same amount of activity. It took only a week before I was feeling constantly drained and fatigued. My legs were incredibly heavy and my body felt like lead. I felt connected to a ball-and-chain that would not release me. Running was becoming almost impossible and I was dizzy and nauseous when walking to work. My friends said I was looking very pale so I eventually visited doctor. I was highly anaemic. My iron and haemoglobin levels were dangerously low. I was sent to hospital for a blood transfusion. I was referred to a specialist and within weeks I was much improved. Due to considerable iron intake and return of enough red blood cells, oxygen increased and I was no longer continuously fatigued. This was when my keen interest and knowledge of foods developed. I learned the importance of balanced nutrition, particularly if prone to anaemia. I continued running through the year living in Australia albeit only once a day now. I was consumed with ensuring I had a full nutritionally balanced diet with calorie and carb-rich foods to ensure adequate fuel for running. I encountered a few calf and foot injuries over the months but would lose only a week or two of running each time for recovery.

I experienced Australia living and travel to the full while also working full time, seeing friends and going out at weekends. However, I continued to maintain running with core and stretching exercise habits each evening after work before I allowed any fun and relaxation! My friends thought it was admirable but sometimes compulsive if I were late for an evening event due to my run taking first priority!

I ran the Sydney “City to Surf” 14km in August 2006 and the Perth “City to Surf” race a few weeks after this in 48 minutes. The adrenaline rush after these races was the kick-start to a continued desire to compete in as many races that were within my reach. I returned home to Ireland for 4th and final year of college. My friends and family were shocked at how “skinny” I had become. I assured them that I was eating just as much and it was a result of running and exercising more. My parents were highly concerned from my appearance so on the weekends that I came home from Dublin, my mother was persistent on getting as much food into me as possible. I was more than happy to consume her delicious home cooking and baking - and this greatly relieved her too!

In December 2007 the “Dublin Port Tunnel” was finally opened to the public after a few years of construction work. To mark the occasion, a once off event was held. The “Dublin Port Tunnel” 10km race was organised with quite a limited number of entries due to the high demand and popularity of the occasion and also due to the width of the tunnel to allow for so many people. I was lucky enough to partake and the atmosphere was electric. I completed this 10km in exactly 41 mins. This was my first 10km race in Ireland. Unfortunately there has not been, nor apparently will be, another opportunity to hold a Dublin Port Tunnel run again due to it’s fulltime operation to traffic since.

Early stages continued… 2003: Moving to the “big smoke” for University and how my ideas of fitness reached a new level

I moved into campus accommodation in Dublin City University on a last minute cancellation so I had no idea who my new flat mate would be… It was Fionnuala Britton - national and international elite runner who represented Ireland in Beijing Olympics 2008. On first meeting the very first thing I noticed about this girl is how incredibly thin, small and very fit looking she was. She was such a lovely and friendly but fairly quite reserved girl. The first morning I got into my usual baggy tracksuit bottoms and jumper for my morning jog. I was surprised to see Fionnuala emerge from her bedroom in the very early hours also - but kitted up as a REAL runner-type and ready for a “jog”… I thought. Later that evening we were chatting. I told her I jogged everyday and she simply said that she is a runner… but not to what extent. Of course it only took a few days for me to learn that her whole life literally evolved around running and competing at a very high level. She told me about the DCU athletic club weekly training (running and circuit training) which encouraged all standards. I joined the Athletics club, media societies and the badminton club at the “Clubs & Societies” days. I had played badminton in school and it was a team sport that I really enjoyed so no harm in trying again.

From training with the bunch of DCU elite athletes on their weekly runs (Of course I stayed with the non-elites of my own level and jogging standard), I got my first taste of what running really was. The elites completed rigorous speed and fartlek sessions in the sports field while a group of us more normal runners ran repeat laps around the field chatting as we went along! The circuit training sessions coupled with my morning jogs increased my speed, strength, distance and more notably – my endurance. I was not losing breath as easily. I was starting to learn what real fitness entailed. I soon realised how ineffective and almost pointless my short and slow morning jogs once were. Living with Fionnuala for those months and getting an insight into her strict lifestyle was a real eye opener. I learned a lot during this time where my life and mindset started to change completely… to where I am at these past 3 years.

I was ladies team captain for DCU badminton team and we trained together twice a week and played at least 1 match a week in the Leinster leagues. This gave me the opportunity to play in a team sport and really enjoy it! I trained for matches with ladies doubles and substituted on matches for the mixed doubles teams (which was even more fun!). You would be surprised at how much fitness and energy that is required for hopping around a small badminton court. I found that I was now very active at least 6, sometimes 7 days a week. This was a huge jump from my previous life. However, my excessive food intake and love of chocolates, breads and junk foods continued. I did not mind this as I felt I was always burning it off now anyway.

The Intervarsity running relays were held in Maynooth each year and I was in the DCU relay team during 1st and 2nd years. There were about 5 teams and I was on the lower “D” team but still - all teams and individuals results had an impact on our (DCU) overall performance. The adrenaline rush and sense of achievement after my first experience of “racing” was amazing. DCU won over all colleges both those years. I knew I could in no way regard myself as being anywhere close to the level of running they were at. But I felt proud to feel a part of this great team of athletes and at the after dinner party where DCU were presented their Trophies :)


2004-2005: My second year of DCU I could now classify myself as a runner! I was wearing the proper attire (running tights and tops etc oppose to baggy sports pants!) and doing a 50-60 minute run at good pace most mornings. This was a significant difference compared to the 20 minute jogs stopping for a break every few minutes! I continued DCU badminton matches and some training with DCU athletics and intervarsity relay race again that year.

My increasing fitness endeavors were starting to take more hold over my social and family life through the 2nd year at DCU. However my college and study commitments stayed intact and even improved. My growing passion for fitness actually contributed to a sense of further ambition, achievement and desire to succeed. I still enjoyed the usual student life and student nights out with friends every week. But I started carefully planning these weekly nights out to ensure I could make up for the effects of the excessive drinking, post night out junk food consumption and inability to exercise the next day. I would often double up my activities the day before or 2 days later to compensate for the big-nights out…

When and how my “passion” started to emerge!

Throughout school years I was as active as most of my peers. I would do the mandatory gym classes in school and was ‘forced’ into hockey and basketball. Like many of the girls in school, when the weekly gym/sport class arrived I often “forgot” my gym gear or had a well fabricated excuse ready. The standard excuse of “I don’t feel well” was not good enough for the teacher and there was usually some form of punishment. But the risk was worth it.

I often detested the challenges that came with team sports – the roaring coaches telling you to run faster and do more warm-up laps, the team rivalry, overly competitive team-mates and opponents and the restraint of having no individual choices when you must be at training and matches for particular times. I enjoy working in a team together – on the same side helping each other. But put a group of young schoolgirls together in a team-sport environment then the real concept of “team-work” is non-existent! The only positives were the brief joyous feelings when we won a match against another school-team. The rest was mainly miserable!

(2001 – 2002) I happily completed my final year of high-school exercise and sport free. This was probably the peak of my most inactive and unhealthy lifestyle. I ate far too much - comfort eating constantly to alleviate study and exam stress. When my boyfriend (at that time) and I met each other in-between school times, time spent would always evolve around food: dinners out, large breakfast rolls, late evening gorging on chipper fast food, chocolates, burgers etc… and no exercise whatsoever. This never bothered me nor did I realise how excessive it was. As I am quite tall and was very young then (17-18 yrs), body image and weight never went out of control. I was a decent size 12-14 and very unfit to say the least. I viewed exercise as too much effort and a chore, like many people do….

(2002 – 2003) When I started college in Dundalk Institute of Technology my love of junk food (particularly chocolate & cookies) continued and I remained inactive. The summer before college I just worked and partied. Moving away from home and starting college after that summer was the start of a much healthier lifestyle and mindset. The girls I live with suggested we start the aerobics class in the college. It was upbeat and fun but very challenging! The instructor, a wonderful lady from Northern Ireland, was a national runner and fitness enthusiast! Her ultra high cardio 1-hour classes discouraged many people and pushed them away after trying to keep up with just a few classes. I stuck with it along with a few others as I was actually enjoying this new feeling of fitness while still having fun. It was giving me more energy too. This aerobic teacher was in her 40’s and so energetic, fit, toned and always smiling. She was literally like a Duracell battery bunny that had lost the switch-off button. I felt flabby and unfit and was determined to keep up with this class! She started taking us out to the college sports fields to run a few laps for half of the classes. I didn’t like the idea: but this is where my Love of running actually started!

During that 1st year of college I managed to get out early most mornings and jog (I mean just jog) up to the center of the town and back – thanks to this woman and her encouragement. She believed we could all be athletes! It was only 1-mile and back jogging slowly. I was out of breath but I got into the habit of treating this morning jog as a new routine. However, I did not let this new fitness pursuit take over my life. I could miss a few days which was no big deal…

Why blog about my passion for Fitness & Health?

The main reason for starting this blog is so that I can keep a personal diary that shares my positive experiences and stories from my life of fitness, activity and good health. But when things go wrong – how do we teach the mind to accept significant lifestyle changes as a result, finding alternatives and new expectations?

Another purpose for this blog is that I hope it will provide some interest to those of you who share a passion for fitness and health and have also experienced setbacks (long-term and short-term), injuries and health issues. As a long-distance runner I have had my share of injuries and have been dealing with an on going long-term injury these past 4-months. I am interested in sharing thoughts on how we deal with the powerful feelings and frustration when we cannot do what we love. It is important but sometimes difficult to find other alternatives - like developing other interests in your life when injuries and health issues occur which limit or even cease your active lifestyle for a time.

I will be updating my thoughts and progress on this regularly. I will start by giving a brief summary of how, when and why this “passion” started and intensified leading onto more recent and current commentary!

For those of you who share a similar passion - you will understand the almost obsessive behaviour, frustration and outcomes that can happen as a result of sometimes losing a balance and allowing ideas of achieving optimum health and fitness take over your life.

At the end of the day we all want to be healthy, fit and happy but must find the proper well-rounded life balance in order to achieve this with minimal limitations.
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Stay tuned for regular updates! Feedback comments welcome :-)